katI am my grandmother’s caretaker and power of attorney. I am the sole remaining family member of my grandmother in America.
I drive my grandmother to her doctor appointments, go with her to the doctors, talk to them, translate when needed, and advocate for her.
I pick up groceries for my grandma and drop them off at her house. I visit her on Saturdays, Sundays, and weekdays, as necessary.
My grandmother has cirrhosis of the liver due to fatty liver.
When I was 9, my mother picked us up during school. We packed our clothes in trash bags, left my grandmother’s house, and never returned. We had to go for safety because my grandmother refused to kick out my alcoholic uncle. He recently passed away from cirrhosis due to his addiction. My dad says he continued drinking until the end, even though he knew of his diagnosis.
I met my grandmother again about 3 years ago when Christ touched my heart. My dad, whom I had reconnected with after years of not talking to him, told me she was really ill and asked me to go check on her. My friends drove me to my childhood home, a ghost of the house I’d grown up in. Everything looked dark and old. There were holes in the wall. My uncle used to beat my grandma in his drunken rage. It’s sad.
But when I found my grandmother, her face brightened, but we had to take her to the hospital because she had a fever and didn’t look so good. There, I learned she had cirrhosis, which she was aware of. I’m not sure how long ago she was diagnosed.
As I continued to visit my grandmother and grow closer to her, I began feeling responsible for her. She lost her home, couldn’t afford food and basic living expenses; she couldn’t care for herself. After my uncle was deported for drunk driving, she had no one else.
It’s been about 3 years since I first came in contact with my grandma. We were separated for a decade.
The difficulty my grandmother went through became the opportunity for us to come closer together. With time her illness has progressed. We go to the hospital every couple of months or weeks. There have been many scary moments, but I’ve learned many things. God has given my grandmother and me another opportunity to make up for all that lost time. Every day, as if refined by gold, I am stripped of my selfishness- even as it threatens to cling to me- stripped of my ego, carelessness, resentment, bad temper, impatience, stripped of doubt, stripped of every evil.
I pray for patience, and every day Jesus shows me his heart; it is one I aspire to.
Sometimes though, I get stuck in my difficulty. I dwell on the details of what will happen when my grandmother dies. I think about that a lot, but I’ve realized I can’t get stuck in that thought. I need to trust God.
In these last three years, my faith has deepened. I understand the power of acting on your faith, practicing what you preach, and being Jesus’ body.
I’ve also found the Lord can’t use you if you don’t care for yourself. You can’t take care of someone else if you don’t care for yourself first. Putting yourself first, is putting your loved one first too. Also, it’s okay to ask for help. You can’t go through life’s challenging moments alone. We all need support.
When you feel overwhelmed as you’re taking care of someone else. Here are ways you can take care of yourself (and ask for help):
- Confide in your friends and family.
- Share with your friends and family what you’re going through. It might be hard to open up at first because you don’t want to seem weak or be a downer. Maybe you can’t find an appropriate time to share what you’re going through. There will never be a right time. You have to share when you need to and when you’re ready to share. Your true loved ones will compassionately offer support and be there for you in such moments.
- Take time off. It’s ok to take a vacation from being the caretaker.
- It’s ok to take a day off to take care of yourself. You can’t visit your family member all the time, especially when you’re not feeling well-whether physically or emotionally. You’re not being selfish for doing this.
- Set boundaries. Discuss with your loved ones what you can and cannot do.
- Terminally ill loved ones require a lot of love and attention. If you’re their only source of emotional support, this can take a toll on you. They may want you to spend more time with them, and even get upset when you say you can’t do something for them. Encourage your loved ones to be independent, not co-dependent, and to seek and find strength in others, especially Jesus Christ- for he can carry burdens no one else can.
- Make sure your loved ones understand your situation and your priorities and how they can support you. But also be a friend in return.
- Tell your loved ones what’s going on. Open up to them about how difficult it is, what lifestyle changes you need to make, or any changes in your schedule. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need, within the Lord’s kindness and understanding of course (your friends can offer support but can never take the place of God.) It’s ok to ask for a listening ear, but always ask if they have the mental/emotional space for it. You’re not the only one going through things and just because your difficulty seems more significant doesn’t mean your problems deserve precedence over their own. The Lord works through the best of friends to show you compassion and love in the darkest of times. Be sure to do the same for others and be there for yourself as much as possible. Helping others can be a significant boost of strength for you too.
- Eat when you should eat and sleep when you should sleep
- Period. Don’t skip meals to take care of your loved ones (unless absolutely unavoidable or necessary). Get enough sleep, or it will take a toll on you and you’ll get sick. Make sure to take care of yourself physically. Remember, your physical and emotional health are interconnected.
- Take on a hobby or exercise.
- I love to go on walks with my mom at least 3 times a week. We also use that time to bond and chat. A good distraction from reality is healthy, so long as you’re not using it as escapism (which I’m still guilty of and am working on not giving in to that every day!) Sometimes I like to put on a movie, an audiobook, or sing songs and get lost in the stories these versatile artworks tell.
- Be present; take it day by day
- It’s all you can do. There’s no use in worrying about the future. Trust me, all worrying leads to is pent-up stress and frustration. You will burn out or experience depressive thoughts. Cling to the Lord and take everything one step, and when you have to, even one breath at a time.
Luke 12: 25-31 “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life. Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.”
The other day I had to rush to the hospital to take my grandma to the emergency room per doctor’s orders. In the past, going to the hospital made me feel anxious: filling out paperwork, answering questions I didn’t have answers to, translating, waiting, fearing death, wondering… After rushing to the hospital in an ambulance many times, I no longer feel so anxious.
I’ve grown accustomed to checking in, talking to doctors, and explaining my grandma’s medical history. Though I still feel scared sometimes, I try to trust the Lord. Even if my grandmother passes away, eventually, she will, I know my heart will be eased. God will care for my grandmother’s spirit. This I know by faith.
Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”
Two weeks ago, I rushed to the hospital with my grandma. She was seen quickly; however, obtaining results and waiting for the discharge papers took hours. We were there from ten in the morning to seven in the evening. Three of those hours were spent waiting for the discharge papers. I took several walks outside during those three hours, until on my last one, I lost my patience. My frustration and sorrow were expressed in hot pouring tears.
I cried as I walked. As the sun set, towards the end of my walk, I found myself close to a pond where three ducks swam. They walked out of the water into the green grass as I approached the pond. If I kept walking my way we’d meet in the middle and we did. It seemed like they were following me. They walked closer to me even as I shuffled away in fear. I laughed even as tears fell down my cheeks.
Just moments ago, I had been crying, asking God in my head why I had to go through this, why me, why alone. I tried to hide these thoughts from him, I felt selfish thinking them. I felt so alone, but everything changed when I saw those ducks. Suddenly I felt God next to me. Like he was comforting me, trying to bring a smile to my face by sending those ducks toward me.
Every time I’ve gone to the hospital, God has shown me great kindness through the doctors, the nurses, my mom, or my sister (even if they can’t be here with me). God reveals himself in nature or in the environment around me. It’s those things God shows me that give me strength. They are not small but grand gestures of love. I have many stories where God made me feel his love.
So if you are going through something similar to my situation, be patient because God is good. Even in the darkest of moments, he is always there with us. Don’t hate God or blame him, but be thankful in every circumstance and situation. No one can avoid death, but God blesses each of us to live as long as we possibly can. God loves us and fulfills his vows of love till our last breath. Let us do our part by being thankful and overcoming our circumstances; as unfair as they may feel, let’s be people who overcome with love and patient understanding so that our suffering may not be in vain but stories and trials we can use to help others. May our weak moments be another’s strength. May God tell stories of perseverance through my life’s tribulations.
I sit in a hospital room again as I edit this blog post. I see the certainty of God’s unfailing love in these words as I read them again, words which I know aren’t my own. I couldn’t write such hopeful things. The Lord is my source of hope and joy. Through these words the Holy Spirit comforts me, reminding me of the faith I must hold onto until the end…
When I walked up the emergency room entrance to check in so I could see my grandma I saw the ducks again. I couldn’t believe it. Still can’t.
I am my grandmother’s caretaker and power of attorney. I am the sole remaining family member of my grandmother in America.
I drive my grandmother to her doctor appointments, go with her to the doctors, talk to them, translate when needed, and advocate for her.
I pick up groceries for my grandma and drop them off at her house. I visit her on Saturdays, Sundays, and weekdays, as necessary.
My grandmother has cirrhosis of the liver due to fatty liver.
When I was 9, my mother picked us up during school. We packed our clothes in trash bags, left my grandmother’s house, and never returned. We had to go for safety because my grandmother refused to kick out my alcoholic uncle. He recently passed away from cirrhosis due to his addiction. My dad says he continued drinking until the end, even though he knew of his diagnosis.
I met my grandmother again about 3 years ago when Christ touched my heart. My dad, whom I had reconnected with after years of not talking to him, told me she was really ill and asked me to go check on her. My friends drove me to my childhood home, a ghost of the house I’d grown up in. Everything looked dark and old. There were holes in the wall. My uncle used to beat my grandma in his drunken rage. It’s sad.
But when I found my grandmother, her face brightened, but we had to take her to the hospital because she had a fever and didn’t look so good. There, I learned she had cirrhosis, which she was aware of. I’m not sure how long ago she was diagnosed.
As I continued to visit my grandmother and grow closer to her, I began feeling responsible for her. She lost her home, couldn’t afford food and basic living expenses; she couldn’t care for herself. After my uncle was deported for drunk driving, she had no one else.
It’s been about 3 years since I first came in contact with my grandma. We were separated for a decade.
The difficulty my grandmother went through became the opportunity for us to come closer together. With time her illness has progressed. We go to the hospital every couple of months or weeks. There have been many scary moments, but I’ve learned many things. God has given my grandmother and me another opportunity to make up for all that lost time. Every day, as if refined by gold, I am stripped of my selfishness- even as it threatens to cling to me- stripped of my ego, carelessness, resentment, bad temper, impatience, stripped of doubt, stripped of every evil.
I pray for patience, and every day Jesus shows me his heart; it is one I aspire to.
Sometimes though, I get stuck in my difficulty. I dwell on the details of what will happen when my grandmother dies. I think about that a lot, but I’ve realized I can’t get stuck in that thought. I need to trust God.
In these last three years, my faith has deepened. I understand the power of acting on your faith, practicing what you preach, and being Jesus’ body.
I’ve also found the Lord can’t use you if you don’t care for yourself. You can’t take care of someone else if you don’t care for yourself first. Putting yourself first, is putting your loved one first too. Also, it’s okay to ask for help. You can’t go through life’s challenging moments alone. We all need support.
When you feel overwhelmed as you’re taking care of someone else. Here are ways you can take care of yourself (and ask for help):
- Confide in your friends and family.
- Share with your friends and family what you’re going through. It might be hard to open up at first because you don’t want to seem weak or be a downer. Maybe you can’t find an appropriate time to share what you’re going through. There will never be a right time. You have to share when you need to and when you’re ready to share. Your true loved ones will compassionately offer support and be there for you in such moments.
- Take time off. It’s ok to take a vacation from being the caretaker.
- It’s ok to take a day off to take care of yourself. You can’t visit your family member all the time, especially when you’re not feeling well-whether physically or emotionally. You’re not being selfish for doing this.
- Set boundaries. Discuss with your loved ones what you can and cannot do.
- Terminally ill loved ones require a lot of love and attention. If you’re their only source of emotional support, this can take a toll on you. They may want you to spend more time with them, and even get upset when you say you can’t do something for them. Encourage your loved ones to be independent, not co-dependent, and to seek and find strength in others, especially Jesus Christ- for he can carry burdens no one else can.
- Make sure your loved ones understand your situation and your priorities and how they can support you. But also be a friend in return.
- Tell your loved ones what’s going on. Open up to them about how difficult it is, what lifestyle changes you need to make, or any changes in your schedule. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need, within the Lord’s kindness and understanding of course (your friends can offer support but can never take the place of God.) It’s ok to ask for a listening ear, but always ask if they have the mental/emotional space for it. You’re not the only one going through things and just because your difficulty seems more significant doesn’t mean your problems deserve precedence over their own. The Lord works through the best of friends to show you compassion and love in the darkest of times. Be sure to do the same for others and be there for yourself as much as possible. Helping others can be a significant boost of strength for you too.
- Eat when you should eat and sleep when you should sleep
- Period. Don’t skip meals to take care of your loved ones (unless absolutely unavoidable or necessary). Get enough sleep, or it will take a toll on you and you’ll get sick. Make sure to take care of yourself physically. Remember, your physical and emotional health are interconnected.
- Take on a hobby or exercise.
- I love to go on walks with my mom at least 3 times a week. We also use that time to bond and chat. A good distraction from reality is healthy, so long as you’re not using it as escapism (which I’m still guilty of and am working on not giving in to that every day!) Sometimes I like to put on a movie, an audiobook, or sing songs and get lost in the stories these versatile artworks tell.
- Be present; take it day by day
- It’s all you can do. There’s no use in worrying about the future. Trust me, all worrying leads to is pent-up stress and frustration. You will burn out or experience depressive thoughts. Cling to the Lord and take everything one step, and when you have to, even one breath at a time.
Luke 12: 25-31 “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life. Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.”
The other day I had to rush to the hospital to take my grandma to the emergency room per doctor’s orders. In the past, going to the hospital made me feel anxious: filling out paperwork, answering questions I didn’t have answers to, translating, waiting, fearing death, wondering… After rushing to the hospital in an ambulance many times, I no longer feel so anxious.
I’ve grown accustomed to checking in, talking to doctors, and explaining my grandma’s medical history. Though I still feel scared sometimes, I try to trust the Lord. Even if my grandmother passes away, eventually, she will, I know my heart will be eased. God will care for my grandmother’s spirit. This I know by faith.
Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”
Two weeks ago, I rushed to the hospital with my grandma. She was seen quickly; however, obtaining results and waiting for the discharge papers took hours. We were there from ten in the morning to seven in the evening. Three of those hours were spent waiting for the discharge papers. I took several walks outside during those three hours, until on my last one, I lost my patience. My frustration and sorrow were expressed in hot pouring tears.
I cried as I walked. As the sun set, towards the end of my walk, I found myself close to a pond where three ducks swam. They walked out of the water into the green grass as I approached the pond. If I kept walking my way we’d meet in the middle and we did. It seemed like they were following me. They walked closer to me even as I shuffled away in fear. I laughed even as tears fell down my cheeks.
Just moments ago, I had been crying, asking God in my head why I had to go through this, why me, why alone. I tried to hide these thoughts from him, I felt selfish thinking them. I felt so alone, but everything changed when I saw those ducks. Suddenly I felt God next to me. Like he was comforting me, trying to bring a smile to my face by sending those ducks toward me.
Every time I’ve gone to the hospital, God has shown me great kindness through the doctors, the nurses, my mom, or my sister (even if they can’t be here with me). God reveals himself in nature or in the environment around me. It’s those things God shows me that give me strength. They are not small but grand gestures of love. I have many stories where God made me feel his love.
So if you are going through something similar to my situation, be patient because God is good. Even in the darkest of moments, he is always there with us. Don’t hate God or blame him, but be thankful in every circumstance and situation. No one can avoid death, but God blesses each of us to live as long as we possibly can. God loves us and fulfills his vows of love till our last breath. Let us do our part by being thankful and overcoming our circumstances; as unfair as they may feel, let’s be people who overcome with love and patient understanding so that our suffering may not be in vain but stories and trials we can use to help others. May our weak moments be another’s strength. May God tell stories of perseverance through my life’s tribulations.
I sit in a hospital room again as I edit this blog post. I see the certainty of God’s unfailing love in these words as I read them again, words which I know aren’t my own. I couldn’t write such hopeful things. The Lord is my source of hope and joy. Through these words the Holy Spirit comforts me, reminding me of the faith I must hold onto until the end…
When I walked up the emergency room entrance to check in so I could see my grandma I saw the ducks again. I couldn’t believe it. Still can’t.
