katYou ever mess something up so wrong you have to apologize, but you don’t want to because you feel ashamed?
If you have the kind of family who never apologizes, you know. Maybe they only do so in a heartfelt letter once in a blue moon because saying it aloud is too hard; perhaps they apologize with a plate of food or by ignoring the problem and pretending nothing ever happened. Then you learn to do the same, but then you have to ask yourself if these things really count as an apology? What if they do the thing that causes you pain again? Is this the healthiest way to apologize?
Either way, you and I are all too familiar with apologies, whether you get them or not and whether you’re good at giving them.
So what gives? If you don’t start apologizing, you realize your relationships will be nonexistent very early in life. It’s the same with God. What do I mean? Repentance is connection.
Ah, the repentance-that scary word from church. As a young, newly converted Christian (don’t mistake my newness with inexperience or lack of knowledge), I’ve learned a lot about repentance. For one, it doesn’t mean what you think it means. It doesn’t have to entail you sitting in a booth confessing all your sins to a pastor or “padre.” It’s not your grandma telling you to pray and repent to God for your sins. At the same time, you think to yourself, “What sins?” and “What kind of egotistic God would forcibly make me repent of my sins so I won’t go to a Hell HE’S sending me to in the first place.”
Trust me when I say the God I know doesn’t send anyone to Hell, and he’s never forceful. “”Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11: 28-30 NIV).
Actually, repentance is healing; it’s restoration. Huh? I’m starting to sound esoteric here, so let me explain.
It’s as simple as an apology, but no one likes to be forced to apologize or be told what to apologize for. Apologies must be sincere, and for you to give one, you must genuinely feel and recognize you’ve done something wrong, right?
This why repentance is tricky because it has been forced upon us by churches or Christians who echo the words of Jesus, “Repent, for the kingdom of Heaven has come near,” without explaining the true meaning and purpose of repentance in a way that leads to freedom-not in a confining way that leads to shame, resentment, and despair.
Does God want us to repent? Yes, but why? Well, do you want an apology? For various reasons unbeknownst to me, I’m sure you do- but ultimately, humans need apologies to move forward in life. I’ve realized that there is not a single person who is perfect and capable of committing no wrong. Humans hurt other humans inevitably. There is not a single person in this world who is devoid of suffering caused by other humans.
In the same way, humans have hurt God.
I am sharing a principle that seeks to understand God’s heart and see things from his perspective.
Think about it. Every time you see the news, aren’t you heartbroken by the tragedies of this world. Maybe not anymore because you’ve become desensitized, but it at least tugs at your heart. At the very least, you know that’s crazy and wrong. People argue with each other, hurt, and even go as far as killing each other. Wouldn’t you be heartbroken if you were God? If the people you created with so much love and care, made in your image and likeness, which you created for love, fail to fulfill that purpose? Haven’t you ever created a sim world or owned a Tamagotchi or pocket pet? Think about if your pet died or your favorite sim characters started a war.
You might be thinking, well, yeah, but I don’t do any of those things (Not creating the sim world or owning a pocket pet, I mean the killing). I’m not a psycho. I’m actually a pretty nice person. Well yeah, me too, but haven’t you ever done something so terrible you wondered, “Why did I do that?”, “Why did I hurt that person that way?” or “Why did I say that?” Haven’t you ever felt so conscience-stricken?
Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. LOL, jk. But in all seriousness, we’ve all hurt someone in some way. It is as it says in 1 John 1:18, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.”
We can all recognize we’ve done wrong before, and apologizing to others after is necessary, but apologizing to God is quite hard to grasp, right? It’s like, “You made me, so why do I need to apologize? Aren’t you almighty and all-knowing? Didn’t you know this would happen, and I hurt them, not you? Why do you care?”
I’ve realized your understanding of repentance comes down to who you perceive God to be. Do you think he’s a wrathful being? Do you think he’s just sitting on a throne judging people or controlling the world like a puppeteer, allowing bad things to happen left and right? Not me, and I definitely don’t want to believe in that kind of God.
My perception of God changed when I immersed myself in bible study and read the Bible. Yes, all of it. I thought, “Well, you can’t knock it if you haven’t tried it,” and boy did I try it. LOL.
My understanding of God is not an understanding I’ve created on my own but based on God’s word and scripture. “How can you trust that?” you might be thinking. Well, how can YOU trust your own understanding? I used to, and I realized my idea that the Christian God was a wrathful, unloving, made-up being was an understanding I created on my own. It was a kaleidoscope of trauma and wrong ideas I never truly tested or experienced until I decided to take a leap of faith one day.
Now, I believe in a living God I see clearly. He does not change like shifting shadows (James 1:17 NIV), meaning he is love and has always been nothing but love. I believe in a God who says things like, “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” (Luke 6:37)
Or things like: “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
God said all this and more through Jesus and the many prophets and people he sent to testify on his behalf.
“The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” (2 Peter 3:9).
Again, repentance is freedom from what is hard to overcome and hard to say. Repentance is restoration because each time you can share with God what is hard to say or admit, you are restoring your heart piece by piece. You are led to realize by the Holy Spirit through your thoughts what to do to make it up, what to say, how to apologize5. The tribulation becomes an opportunity. Repentance is a connection because by apologizing to God and others, you can restore your relationship with the God of love and the people you love. Through harmony, you become united.
Messing things up sucks. Hurting others sucks. But it can be an opportunity to realize what you did wrong and to challenge yourself to do better next time. Repentance is freedom because it is an acknowledgment that though you did wrong in the past, you can do better in the future. Repentance means forgiving yourself. There’s nothing that God cannot help you restore in your life. Therefore, let’s apologize, repent to God, and forgive our brothers and sisters, for the kingdom of Heaven has come near to you.
