katLove. Some say it’s like the wind, can’t see it but it’s there.
This past week I listened to this speaker who asked us to reflect on this question “What is beautiful to you?” and it got me thinking an awful lot about love. Everyday, whenever there’s been a moment I’ve gone back to this question, “What is love?”
What if I told you love is a beautiful, real thing within reach? That it is possible to reach a deep, ideal love with someone? What if I told you that being is God?
As an undergrad I took this Sociology of film class, the theme of the class that semester was love. We basically watched romance films, read a few books that talked about the sociology of love, and discussed as a class for 3 hours; it was funny, weird, but interesting. As we watched scenes of heartbreak, forgiveness, restoration, and love I realized about true love. I recently read the final I turned in a few semesters ago. I wrote about my realizations from the class, from a love apologist, Christian perspective. Our professor asked us to choose a position throughout the semester; either you were a love apologist, or against love.
Here’s an edited excerpt “Laura Kipnis in Ch.2 ‘Domestic Gulags’ makes the argument that ‘exchange value’ still continues. Such as back in the day when people married for economic self-interest, she proposes we continue to marry for the same reasons, “freely falling in love with mates who are also-coincidentally-good investments.” (63). Laura Kipnis writes that we tend to be with people similar to us: with the same degree of physical attractiveness, education, social standing, race (63).”
(I might let you read the whole thing later haha it’s an interesting essay). Now, this perspective argues that we love because we expect love in return, love is a sort of exchange. I think this is true in some instances and to some degree but aren’t all relationships sort of an exchange? We give and we receive love. Should true love be reciprocal? I think so, I’ve realized every love relationship is like this. You can’t love someone who simply doesn’t love you. Even if it’s unrequited love, at some point you must stop loving them because they don’t love you. People find it hard to love somebody who doesn’t love them in return. Jesus is the only one I know who loves so recklessly it’s unconditional. But an unconditional agape love doesn’t mean it doesn’t have boundaries. Even our human love has boundaries. But we’ll talk more about this another time.
So then, what is ‘true’ love? How do we measure it?
Growing up I had my fair share of experiences which made me become a hopeless romantic (like watching Disney), and then some experiences that made me rue the day relationships were even created (like heartbreak).
My freshman year of college I searched for love in people, but especially in Jesus. I don’t know what made me be open to Jesus or curious about Christianity. I thought Christianity was a series of rules, judgemental, too confining. I was so much different than I am now. I think there were many things that made me change my mind, but the fact that I sought Jesus and accepted him is a miracle (read my other blog post ‘Coming to Christ’ about that lol).
I will say, the very first thing I learned about Jesus-and that I already had a hint of before through my life- is that God is love and “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” That’s 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7. Ladies and gents, if you can’t replace the word ‘love’ in this scripture with that person’s name, then it’s not love.
I adore this scripture, when I first learned of it I immediately embraced it with my entire being.
There’s another one that says,
1 John 4:16 and 18, “God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him; There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”
Therefore, God is love and if you love, God is in you. Love is more powerful than fear. If I know anything it’s God is love, and love is a beautiful thing. It’s all the good things in the world, why do we run from it into people and things that could never suffice? We cannot fill that God sized void of love in our hearts with anything but Him because love comes from him. He certainly shows his love through people but the core, the source is him.
This week I realized a lot about joy as well. Love and joy come hand in hand. You cannot be happy without love. My church’s message this week was titled “Jump For Joy” and it talked about overcoming our difficulties with joy, but it wasn’t just a fluffy, positive preachy message about how we just gotta be happy and that’ll cure our depressions and anxieties. It acknowledged that we go through difficulties in our lives that feel like the rough pounding of waves. We get hit with hardships and challenges everyday at work, school, with family, etc. The message was based on 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
But the thing is, even after hearing such a word, I felt pretty low. Although I have everything I’ve prayed for and ever wanted, although I’ve found fundamental happiness in God I felt sadness I hadn’t felt in a while-not by any fault of God’s or any fault in my life, but just by fault of my own. Humans are kind of like that right? We get what we want but then we want more. We reach one milestone, but maybe then more problems come as a result, we realize what we got was not what we wanted, and what we want constantly changes. It reminded me of that song from HSMTM (if you know you know); it’s called “Wondering”.
Why do we feel that way? Joy is really hard to find and life is difficult at times. Even when we have everything we want, something is missing. I can think of many material joys we enjoy throughout our lives but the catch of being a human being on earth is that there is an end to every single one. Nothing lasts forever. So how do you find eternal joy knowing that?
I realized no matter how much better my life gets; If I get the job, the car, the house, the relationship, etc. it will never be enough. Sure I’ll be happy but it’ll only be temporary, then the feeling will die down and I’ll be stuck unhappy again until I reach something more ideal, or gain something new, then the unsatisfying cycle will start again. But with God, the hope is that you will live eternally with Him in spirit. With Him you can live being blessed on earth, and if you believe in Him and live following Him during your lifetime, you’ll live with Him enjoying spiritual joys forever.
It’s hard to believe that, but I do. I’ve never been more fundamentally and consistently happy than I am now, and my life has never been better-not because I’ve been blessed in my lifetime but because there’s a deep spiritual joy within me and I can’t help but rejoice. It’s pure love. I’m so in love with God because life with him is boundless. Who can stop anyone following the Lord? Anything is possible with him.
God has solved so many of my problems. You wouldn’t believe the miracles he’s made happen in my life. He makes miracles happen for everyone but you have to open your eyes to it and realize. You have to cling to him in difficult times, live with hope in his promise, and be faithful in your belief in him. This is part of what 1 Thes. 5 is about, I’ve come to realize.
Today I read “The Disciples’ Grief Will Turn To Joy” in the bible and it takes place just before Jesus was to be crucified. Jesus says, “Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete” in verse 24. Later in the same chapter (verse 33) he says, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
So I’ve realized, love and joy come hand in hand. God is love and the Lord is the joy of this earth. If you search bible verses about “joy” so many of them reference Jesus because his coming brought words of peace, love, and joy to this earth. That’s the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. It’s not a command; it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ever feel sad, but God’s hope in sending Jesus was that we may come to know God’s love and overcome the hardships with the power of that love and regain joy in our hearts again. That we may pray and ask for help, find small and big joys in midst of hardship, and rejoice when we go through hardships for in the end they’ll help us grow into better, eternal people. It is Christ who can give us the strength to overcome. [1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”]
His words can resolve your life’s problems and bring peace and joy. How can your exposure to his words do that- you might ask? Why doesn’t he just solve all my problems and all the evils of this world. Because we all have a thing called freewill (choice) which is one of God’s greatest displays of love. We get to choose if we believe in his words, and if we do we will become people of love who take action on his love. We will spread his words of love, enact laws of love, act on our love, love our brothers and sisters, and do everything in love.
I can’t answer the question about love from a worldly perspective, or ask you to believe love is any of the things from God’s word that I’ve just shared with you. I’m a Christian after all, and most definitely a love apologist. I believe in love.
But I can tell you that love and joy come hand in hand and God is the core… Seek and you will find. Ask and he will bring you joy. Come close to his word of love and then your eyes will be opened, then you will realize.
