katI was informed I was being laid off about a month ago on May 1st. It was shocking but I also wasn’t surprised. I felt something like this coming, so much so that when I saw a random meeting on my calendar, I thought and said aloud, “What if …?” The signs were all there.
I felt stupid for ignoring all the signs and not searching for something sooner.
However, I feel that God knew if I did not get laid off I’d stick with my current job and never go looking for something better. So a part of me is grateful I was laid off.
I remember when I got off the call where I was told I was being laid off I felt relieved, shocked, but also scared.
However, I prayed, then went to my mom and said, “I just got laid off! WOOO!” and my mom, who was sitting on the dining room table doing my aunt’s nails, was super positive. She said I’d find something in no time and should just take the summer to rest. Then I went back to my room and finished my work. My mom later noted my aunt looked shocked at our reaction because my mom and I were both positive and seemed unphased. It’s something only crazy people could do, she might’ve thought. I think it’s something only people who know Jesus can do.
It was not that we were not shocked or phased — we both concluded – it’s just that we know Jesus will always be with us. God will always take care of us. He is our provider, as he always has been.
But I won’t lie and say I don’t feel fear. Of course I’m scared, because even if the God of the universe is by my side I know that if I fail to seize the time and opportunities God has given me I may fail. Yet even if I fail and make mistakes I know God still loves me and everything will turn out well. However, I really don’t want to lose this time because I just have one life to live.
Shortly after being laid off, my mother and I decided to do something crazy. We booked a flight to El Salvador. Next thing I knew, I was on a plane. I felt an immense amount of anxiety as I was on it because I’d never booked a flight so recklessly and I wondered if it was God’s will- the timing of everything seemed like it but I wasn’t sure. The fear of the future also paralyzed me.
However, it was a great trip! I was, as I always am, reminded of the great privilege I hold as an American born Salvadoran. As is tradition, my mom and I brought gifts for our relatives and friends. No matter the season, my mother has always modeled what it means to live generously, reminding me that the joy of those who give is greater than that of the receiver.
My family is from San Miguel so we always visit them, especially my grandpa and my aunt. My grandpa lives in a rural countryside home, whereas my aunt lives in a small house in the city.
I’m always impressed by how much El Salvador and San Miguel have changed. Day by day the physical environment seems to get better. However, I still appreciate the rural, countryside vibe. In El Salvador I feel at home amongst my people, even as I know I’m different, but being able to see people with the same skin tone or facial features makes me feel at home. Being around family and freely speaking Spanish feels like home. Eating all the Salvadoran foods I can also feels like home, haha.
We’ve visited San Miguel over 3 times now, I believe, since I turned 20 years old. There was a decade long period we did not visit El Salvador and were distant from our family. Now most things or places are familiar. It’s crazy how quickly one can become close to one’s family again but the wrinkles on my family’s faces let me know time has passed.
The most important or valuable thing I learned on this trip was the importance of learning to say no and set boundaries. Also, I learned the importance of not losing the value of every opportunity. It’s hard to find the balance between two, especially when there’s such a long distance between you and your family.
When you go somewhere so often or see someone quite often it is easy to lose value because now there is no distance between you; human beings have a tendency to take for granted what they’ve become accustomed to. It’s easy to lose the value of someone or something when you see or experience them often.
As a result too- sometimes people, even your own family, can become accustomed to how you treat them and have unreasonable expectations. So it is ok to say no, even if it’s something you’ve done before. Some things are not your responsibility. You can help but not at your own detriment. You have your own mouth to feed too.
It’s good to be generous but it’s also important to think of yourself. That’s balance.
——
June 29, 2024
It’s been two months almost since I was laid off, a moment I didn’t plan for, but one that’s allowed me to reflect, reconnect, and realign with what matters most.
About two weeks ago, June 14th, I joined a 10-day missionary trip to Brazil sponsored by my church. There, I had the opportunity to serve others, witness faith in action, and rediscover the power of storytelling across cultures. It reminded me that this world is vast and beautiful and there are plenty of ways we can connect and care for one another. Language should never be a barrier to love. I also learned it is important to approach cultural differences with respect, humility, and a willingness to understand. Lastly, it was a joy to be able to evangelize and spread the gospel as the Lord’s body.
We stayed in Riberao Preto and Sao Paulo, which were a four hour bus drive away. It was such a challenging experience to travel to a country whose main language, Portuguese, I don’t speak. When one of my church elders asked if I wanted to join her on this missionary trip I almost said no, but there was a strong urging in my heart to go. When else would I get an opportunity like this? What better time to go than now? All I can say is Brazil is beautiful, the people are kind and sociable, and I’m definitely not the same person I was two weeks ago.
The most important thing I learned was the heart of serving, how to serve, and what it means to live as the Lord’s body, as his disciple. I thought I was a servant of the Lord already but I realized there are always more ways to sacrifice and to be selfless. It’s more than just sacrificing time for ministry work or even physical sacrifices, but there are spiritual sacrifices too. It’s about being a living sacrifice every single day. It’s about how we treat others in our daily life, not just people who love the Lord. It’s about how we view others too and it’s about thinking more about others than ourselves. For 10 days I was able to be outside of my own little world, in a new country, meeting people who’ve overcome very difficult circumstances yet are giving life and God their all. From day to night– everything was centered on the Lord. Even as we ate we spoke only of the Lord and shared our testimonies. We read our Bible together, we studied the word, we went to the campus in Riberao Preto to preach the gospel, we took care of others, treating them to meals and helping them even with the smallest of tasks. We woke up early to pray for Brazil.
One evening the Holy Spirit spoke to me and told me to look at people as if they were Jesus and to treat them as such. So the rest of the time I tried to think that way and have absolute love and consideration for people.
We attended church service with our friends in Sao Paulo and there was this Colombian guy who spoke Spanish who happened to walk into the church at the same time we did. Our friends said they’d never even seen that guy at their church before and that it’s rare for Spanish speakers to attend their service. Anyway he immediately starts talking to my sister in Christ and I. Then at the end of the service he asked for our names so I told him my full name in Spanish, “Katerin” and he asked me if I knew about Kathryn Kulman. She was a great Christian evangelist who evangelized over 1000s of people. He looked me in the eye and said, “Now it’s your turn.” My eyes turned wide and I thanked him for the encouragement. Inside I was like “Oh gosh, I don’t know about that…” but I was very moved. It was a good reminder that God has a greater purpose for me than I could ever know. Then he continued by saying he believed God would choose special people from chosen families in each Latin American nation. Then through that all the corruption, crime, poverty, and evil would be cleansed and defeated and the nations would prosper. Through those people the bride will be prepared to receive the bridegroom. So that was really insane! I think God sent that man to encourage my sister and me to keep doing mission work in Latin America.
So it was a really edifying and moving trip. We made good friends, preached the Lord’s word, and took care of our sisters in Christ in Brazil.
This summer I’m continuing to seek meaningful volunteer opportunities while searching for new career paths. In the in-between, I’ve been taking care of myself– walking, cleaning, writing, reflecting, and reevaluating what kind of impact I want to make in the next chapter. I’m actively searching for roles in creative writing and content creation- especially ones that allow me to tell meaningful stories and connect with people on a deep level.
To everyone who has checked in or supported me during this season: thank you. Your encouragement and care mean the world to me.
I love you, truly, and until next time,
Kat
