katTrigger warning: Vivid descriptions of OCD, struggling with self-harm, and intrusive thoughts, mentions of abuse, depression, anxiety
I’ve struggled with OCD since I was a little girl. When I was younger I remember needing to wear a specific color of underwear on specific days (LOL) or I’d fear my day wouldn’t go well or that something bad would happen. I also remember needing to touch the stove or the doorknob a certain number of times to feel everything was safe. I did that without really thinking much of it, perhaps at most thinking it was just a quirk of mine. This all seemed pretty normal. Since I can remember I’ve always been a high achiever and a perfectionist. I love when things are tidy and clean. When I was younger I required that things be placed in a particular spot or I felt something was off. I felt I couldn’t function without first cleaning up. These tendencies mostly went away as I got older.
But the OCD didn’t. The OCD thoughts continued and the compulsions in a more hidden place- my mind. I started struggling with darker, intrusive thoughts. I was maybe 6 or 7 years old when I started having self harm thoughts, intrusive thoughts, and even hearing voices. I remember being in 2nd grade, taking a test when suddenly I heard a voice command me to end my life. I didn’t understand what was happening to me and I was so shocked I started sobbing, endless tears rushed down my face. My teacher was incredibly concerned and asked what was wrong but I told her I’d simply had a nightmare the night before and was upset about it. Once, I was washing the dishes, cleaning a small kitchen knife, when suddenly I heard a voice tell me to plunge it in myself. Shocked, I threw the knife down in the sink and ran to my sister, who was in the living room, and cried in her arms. I couldn’t express what had happened but my sister made me milk and gave it to me in a bottle. She held me until I stopped crying. I was 9 years old when I experienced my first flare up of OCD self-harm thoughts for a period of about 2-3 months. It was the summer my parents separated and my family and I moved to a one-bedroom apartment. I had never been or felt more alone and scared- the future was unknown and so many fears flooded my mind. Since I wasn’t in school loneliness crept its way into me, creating a perfect opportunity for self-harm thoughts to start coming in. At first they started as mere thoughts, then they became voices, sometimes they sounded like my own voice, and other times they sounded like whispers and commands from voices separate from my own.
It’s hard to admit this as I write. When I was going through it, at 9 years old, I never told anyone- some days it was so bad I wanted to tell my mom but I feared I’d be a burden to my mother’s already broken heart or that I’d be sent to an insane asylum.
I didn’t grow up in a super Christian household; we only went to church maybe every few months. Despite that, I knew enough about God to call out to him. So I did the only thing I could- I prayed. After months of prayers and asking God to remove such thoughts, eventually they went away. I truly believe God helped me and answered my prayers. This is the first instance I can remember of God proving his existence to me.
As I grew up I stopped hearing the voices and experiencing such intrusive thoughts; but occasionally, especially when big changes occur in my life, I have flare ups. I don’t hear voices anymore but I do struggle controlling my thoughts. Sometimes it feels like I am waging a battle in my mind, and my mind is my own worst enemy. It’s difficult struggling with OCD as a Christian.
OCD stands for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and it’s a type of anxiety disorder. Why does it happen? Well I researched a bit and both chat and google say it stems from trauma, abuse, as well as genetics.
OCD looks different for everyone. People typically think it’s about being obsessed with cleanliness and needing things to be in a particular place – and yes it can display itself in that way, also known as OCPD – but it also shows up in other ways. People with OCD can have self-harm thoughts or thoughts of harming others- even though they would never act on those thoughts. The thoughts can arise repeatedly and bring immense fear to that individual- which is OCD’s purpose, to cause immense fear by causing repulsive, nonsensical thoughts. People with OCD can have violent, sexual, inappropriate thoughts about family members, kids, and pets. People with OCD can be obsessed with being a good person and the OCD thoughts contradict that. OCD threatens your identity, makes you doubt yourself, and ruminate. People with OCD are hypervigilant, constantly checking their body and thoughts.
Studies show that the majority of the human population, about 94%, experience intrusive thoughts (Science Daily). So many people have actually probably have intrusive thoughts such as the one I’ve described above- however, most people simply move on. People with OCD dwell on the thought and worry excessively, trying to understand why they had a thoughts, and fearing what it says about who they are. Only about 2.3% US adults have actually been diagnosed with OCD (NIH).
It’s difficult when bad, negative thoughts appear in your mind. It’s actually physically and mentally exhausting. People with OCD experience physical symptoms too such as physical exhaustion, fatigue, headaches, irritability, diarrhea, stomach aches, nausea, physical injuries, difficulty sleeping, muscle tension, etc.
From a spiritual standpoint people with OCD may wonder many things. I’ve often asked myself if I’m a bad person, if I am what I’ve thought, if I am a sinner beyond cure, or even if I’m lacking faith.
My pastor often says that thoughts are life. He’s often said if you hate your brothers in your heart it is like you are murdering them in reality- Jesus said this after all in 1 John 3:15, “15 Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him.” Jesus even said controversial, extreme statements such as, “And if your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.” (Matthew 18:9).
So the reality is that Jesus instructs us whatever we think becomes our spiritual reality, so we should really rid ourselves of sinful hearts and thoughts. Sometimes, however, intrusive thoughts just arise. So what do we do about that? My pastor once told me thoughts may pop in your head but you must think of them as birds flying by above your head. Just let them fly past. However, you must never allow those birds (thoughts) to create a nest in your head. If they do, the evil, wicked thoughts will eat your brain away, attacking your faith.
I’ve concluded OCD is both a physical and spiritual illness. It is an illness that attacks the soul -the heart and mind – attacking the physical and the spiritual parts of us. I believe spirits exist and spiritual influences definitely play a role, but also our genetic makeup and that of our ancestors.
My family members all struggle with anxiety- and rightfully so, after experiencing as much trauma as they have due to the Salvadoran Civil War and poverty, among other personal traumas. On the other hand, now that I’m closer to my family I’ve seen they’re also incredibly compassionate and empathetic. My grandmother has been a fervent Christian for over 30 years now. When she starts speaking of the Lord tears well up in her eyes. She cries when she speaks of her life’s hardships and the greatness of the Lord. It’s the same with all the other women in my family- they are emotional, sensitive women. I am the same. I cry when I listen to a beautiful song and when I watch ANY movie. I recently cried while watching ‘The Matrix’, Broadway’s ‘Frozen’, ‘Lilo and Stitch’, and ‘How to Train Your Dragon’. LOL. Maybe I am hypersensitive but it’s also an incredible gift to be able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and feel someone else’s heart deeply. I cry when my friends are sad. I also cry when I’m incredibly happy.
So I have strong emotions. It can be a weakness but also a strength.
I think it’s the same with OCD. Recently, I reached out to my pastora for help. She told me OCD can be a good thing- I was struggling to see it that way but it’s true! People with OCD are likely good at checking things. They’re likely responsible, organized, and hard working. They also likely have a good moral compass and want to be good people. Most of all they have obsessive personality types and when directed towards good things- their obsessive traits can be powerful.
The next thing my pastor said really shocked me to my bones. She reminded me that, “God is obsessed with love. So sometimes he chooses people with those traits so they will ultimately love him.”
I wasn’t offended by her saying that I’m obsessive. I know I am haha! Since I was little I’ve been obsessive with hobbies and especially with romance. I’ve always been obsessed with love and as you can guess I was obsessed with tv shows, movies, and books that portrayed it.
Last week I watched ‘The Matrix’ on the plane home from Brazil and one quote that stuck with me was when Morpheus told Neo that he needed to overcome fear, doubt, and unbelief. Another scene that really stuck with me was when Neo assumed Morpheus was just going to teach him how to dodge bullets and Morpheus tells Neo, “One day you won’t even have to dodge the bullets.” I realized a lot from this movie that I can apply to myself. I do need to get rid of fear, doubt, and unbelief- I think anxiety and OCD specifically really thrives off of that.
In ‘The Matrix’ Neo was able to overcome fear when he finally started to believe in himself. But why did Neo start to believe in himself? It’s because he cared for others so much that he couldn’t just run off and let the bad guys win. He had to take action. It was because of love, because he chose to defeat evil and fear with acts of righteousness. Through taking action for those he loved- he discovered his abilities, his skills, and hidden talents. He realized he was the chosen one, the key, and that he was made for this. We too were made for this.
My friend, Mel and I, were talking on the plane after I finished the movie and she told me exactly what I needed to hear without me saying anything. She said when she was younger she was always fighting Satan in her dreams. She was so tired of it she finally told her pastor and the pastor said, “One day you’ll be so strong you won’t even have to fight.” Now, she’s able to defeat and destroy Satan in her dreams (and in real life) with a simple word or thought.
I also watched Broadway’s Frozen on Disney Plus recently – LOL- but no, really, I realized so much from Elsa in a way I never did from the O.G. animated movie. Specifically, I realized that what Elsa thought made her a monstrosity actually was her superpower, but because that superpower was being driven by her fear she was unable to control it.
I realized it’s the same with anxiety and OCD. We need to trust ourselves and develop our self-confidence so that when big changes happen in our lives or when difficulties arise, instead of thinking of these situations negatively we can think of them positively and overcome.
I was especially moved when on Wednesday I went to my church’s evening service and the sermon talked about sin and repentance. Specifically, my pastor shared a revelation he had about waste material. Yes, waste material! Our pastor gave us a few metaphors. In the course of life, he said, people produce waste- whether it’s dead skin cells, excrement (lol), sweat and when they do they don’t get mad, right? How crazy would it be if they did? They understand that producing this kind of waste material is a part of daily life. So in the same way, we must not think that the waste materials that are produced in the course of making ourselves into people of Heaven are tormenting. All the misery and suffering are like waste materials excreted from the body, but how great it is that we have the ability to remove the waste materials from our body ourselves. In the same way, how amazing it is that we are able to receive God’s help to eliminate sin and suffering from our lives. Even if we have to exert our strength to remove the waste materials from our lives, it is truly joy and happiness to be able to remove them.
My pastor even compared it to writing: how satisfying it is to clean and edit writing. So we must not think that getting rid of our sin, various faults, challenges, and tribulations of life are annoying and painful. We must believe our Jehovah God is helping us! We must take action like scrubbing off dead skin. Do it in a refreshing way.
Back to OCD though, I think most people will say having a thought does not necessarily make you a sinful person and I agree with that. But I do believe OCD occurs or stems from a condition of sin, whether we’ve committed sin ourselves or have been exposed to sin through this world.
Even for myself- I try to avoid horror or violent movies because I know, as a sensitive person, those images will stick in my mind. If you are struggling with a specific kind of OCD, such as lustful thoughts, I think it’s important to cleanse yourself from certain things that can worsen it- especially during a flare up. If you need to do a media fast or detox, go for it. Don’t be ashamed of being a more sensitive individual- you gotta do what you gotta do. If you find later you can watch shows you perhaps couldn’t before that’s ok. That’s happened to me before, but usually the show is not something that edifies my spirit.
So how do you ensure you rid yourself of sin? Sin, my pastor continued in his sermon, needs the water of the word. The answer, then, is to remove sin with the word. You need to study the Word, study about sin and about the soul and spirit. Also, get to know yourself so you can find the root of the problem. Then, the only thing left to do is to remove it, day by day.
I read online that OCD can be chronic. I believe that we can be healed through the Word of God because I experienced this kind of miraculous healing when I first came to Christ; so many of the OCD thoughts I had before were completely removed through the word of God and for the first time I felt free. However, healing takes time. Sometimes you can be fine for months or even years and then suddenly you have a flare up. For some healing is fast and for some it takes an entire lifetime. It doesn’t make you inferior or weaker- it just makes you human and stronger. Think of how proud Jesus must be. Despite how difficult the battle has been for you, you don’t give up.
But we shouldn’t live in misery while hating ourselves, the anxiety, or the OCD, because that actually makes the process of healing so much harder. You can’t overcome anxiety or OCD if you hate yourself and if you hate living with it. We must realize what a blessing it is to know God and to have tools that can help us overcome it. Through cognitive behavioral therapy, counseling, prayer, the Bible, the Word of God – among other tools – we can overcome everyday.
Forgive yourself for not being perfect. The brain is a muscle, a complex intricate system that can be hard to control and understand but with God it’s not impossible. You just have to get to know yourself. Figure out what triggers your anxiety or OCD and where it stems from. Also, get to know God, dig deep into His word and find answers in Him. Through that you will gain faith in Him, become one with Him, and finally be able to trust again. The one thing we must never do though, is allow OCD or anxiety to win.
It is as it says in Romans 11:17, “If some of the branches have been broken off, and you, though a wild olive shoot, have been grafted in among the others and now share in the nourishing sap from the olive root…”
We were once wild olive shoots: untamed, impure, growing on our own path. The Lord, however, called us to be grafted into the original olive tree, called Jesus Christ. If he called us it is because he loves us and believes in us. He believes we are worthy of his salvation and that we can run this race until the end. Now it’s time to have faith in Him and ourselves. It’s time to fight the good fight, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God everyday (2 Corinthians 7:1).
As hard as it may be since we have a promise from God that if we remain in him, he will remain in us- let us not grow weary in ridding ourselves of all sin and imperfections. Instead let’s find joy in removing the sin of our lives each and every single day. Let us rejoice that we sweat because it means we are exercising (practicing) our faith. Let us rejoice that we have dead skin cells for it means we are being stripped of our old selves and transforming into our new selves everyday. Let us rejoice when we see the excrement of our lives for it means we are aware of sin, able to rid ourselves of it, and not dead in it. Thank God we are alive and that each day is another opportunity to eliminate the impurities and imperfections of our existence. Let us rely on him as we take action.
Let us hold on to Heaven, surrender everything, and lay ourselves down. Let us spiritually eliminate our physical, sinful nature – in replacement of something greater, a cultivated, free spirit raised by the power of his mercy and grace.
You don’t have to wait for healing to begin living like someone who is whole. That thought that you should isolate yourself is from Satan. Reclaim control over your life.
You don’t have to believe every thought that crosses your mind.
You don’t have to hate yourself for struggling.
Start with your mindset.
Talk back to fear.
Smile at your progress.
And thank God that you get to walk this path—with Him beside you, every step of the way. “Thank You, God, that I get to fight this. That I can fight this. That I’m not alone.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-5, “3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.”
Lastly, my dear friend, if you are struggling with OCD or any form of anxiety disorder please know you are not alone in this fight. I know how hard it can get sometimes. Please know you are beautiful and you are not what the bad thoughts say you are. Life- even with anxiety or OCD- is worth living. If you need professional support don’t hesitate to reach out to the following organizations.
Whether you’re navigating OCD yourself or supporting someone who is, you’re not alone. Below are trusted organizations and hotlines that offer therapy, education, crisis support, and community.
📞 Crisis & Immediate Support
NAMI HelpLine
📞 800‑950‑NAMI (6264) (Mon–Fri, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m. ET)
💬 Text NAMI to 62640
🌐 nami.org
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
📞 988 (24/7, confidential)
💬 Text HOME to 741741
🌐 988lifeline.org
🌐 OCD-Specific Organizations
International OCD Foundation (IOCDF)
📞 (617) 973‑5801
🧭 Find therapists, support groups, ERP programs, and more
🌐 iocdf.org
Peace of Mind Foundation (Houston-based, National Reach)
🎗 Founded by Elizabeth McIngvale (advocate + licensed therapist)
🌐 peaceofmind.com
Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA)
📚 Education + therapist directory + online communities
🌐 adaa.org
🏥 Treatment Centers & Programs
Rogers Behavioral Health (Nationwide)
📞 833‑308‑5887
💡 Evidence-based OCD treatment (CBT + ERP) for all ages
🌐 rogersbh.org
BasePoint Academy – Teen OCD Hotline (Dallas–Fort Worth area)
📞 (972) 357‑1749 (Open 7 a.m.–7 p.m. CST)
🌐 basepointacademy.com
University of Florida OCD Program
🎓 Research-backed therapy programs
🌐 UF OCD Program
🤝 Peer & Community Support
- IOCDF Support Groups Directory
- BeyondOCD.org – Education & Encouragement
- ADAA Online Support Group
📝 Disclaimer: These resources are for informational purposes only and do not replace professional medical advice. If you or someone you know is in danger, please call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.
🙏 Christian OCD Support & Resources
Faith and mental health are not opposites—they are partners in healing. If you’re battling OCD and desire support that honors your relationship with God, here are faith-based resources designed just for you:
🕊️ Faith-Based Education & Community
1. IOCDF Faith & OCD Resource Center
An incredible hub offering articles, videos, and group connections for people of faith navigating OCD and scrupulosity.
🌐 Visit IOCDF Faith & OCD Center »
2. Scrupulosity.com
Focused on helping Christians overcome religious OCD (scrupulosity) without losing faith. Blogs, videos, and personalized coaching.
🌐 Visit Scrupulosity.com »
3. ACCFS (Apostolic Christian Counseling & Family Services)
Offers biblical resources and clinical wisdom for scrupulosity and anxiety, including coping tools and worksheets.
🌐 Visit ACCFS.org »
4. Grace Abounding in OCD (Blog)
A personal Christian blog offering encouragement, resources, and real stories of navigating OCD with faith.
🌐 Visit Blog »
📚 Christian Books on OCD & Scrupulosity
- Can Christianity Cure OCD? – Dr. Ian Osborn
- The Doubting Disease – Dr. Joseph Ciarrocchi
- Tormenting Thoughts and Secret Rituals – Dr. Ian Osborn
📖 Available on Amazon or through Christian bookstores.
🗣️ Christian Counselors & Support Groups
Justin K. Hughes, MA, LPC
Licensed Christian therapist offering OCD-specific therapy and scrupulosity group support.
📧 justin@dallascounseling.com
🌐 justinkhughes.com »
Christian OCD Virtual Support Group
Hosted via IOCDF, integrates biblical truth with clinical guidance.
📞 (909) 437‑6400 | 📧 jwnicholsdds@gmail.com
Facilitated by Justin Nichols, DDS.
🎥 Recommended Videos & Talks
- How to Overcome Religious OCD – YouTube »
- Five Keys to Beating Scrupulosity – YouTube »
- Scrupulosity: Religious Obsessions Explained – YouTube »
📝 These resources are not a replacement for therapy or spiritual counsel—but they are a bridge between both. Healing is possible, and you don’t have to walk this road alone.
Sources used in blog:
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/04/140408122137.htm
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd
May God’s grace continually hold you up and fill your spirit with strength and joy.
Until next time,
Kat <3
