katIn continuation of my sharing last week on the broadcast channel *for those of you interested in joining the broadcast channel on instagram, check it out here: https://ig.me/j/AbY5mAIo5PbkNYRQ/. Today, I want to talk about isolation and how that can be an opportunity for you to reinvent yourself.
When everything in your life crumbles: you lose someone or something, or perhaps you experience some sort of rift in your relationships. In this situation, it is so easy to feel lonely and want to give up. As human beings we tend to receive love and validation from the human beings around us.
This can border on toxic codependency. This happened to me recently. I didn’t realize in what ways I was engaging in codependency with a few people in my life. When I finally recognized it, I was able to find a new hobby I could engage in on my own. I am the kind of person who can center too much on people sometimes and that can be a bad thing because sometimes I will fail to express my needs, thoughts, and desires-putting those aside for the pleasure of the other person. You putting yourself aside at your expense may seem like a good thing, but it can lead to resentment and low self-esteem.
If you’re Christian you might even believe it’s your way of “loving your neighbor.”
You’re forgetting to read the entire scripture. ”Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’[a] 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] There is no commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12: 30-31).
Read that again…”Love your neighbor as YOURSELF.” This means you have to love yourself first. Not just first, but just as much as you love others around you!
The Bible is full of scriptures that encourage us to love others in a selfless way. Jesus after all was the most selfless human being ever; he gave up his life, bearing the brunt of our sins. He preached words like, “Love your enemies.”
Love for Enemies
“43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor[a] and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
At one point he even said this….
Eye for Eye
38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’[a] 39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. 40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.
SHEESH. You feel me? Jesus was really out here saying the most revolutionary things. Let’s be honest, fulfilling his words would be a task for every single one of us.
You might even think Jesus is advocating for abuse and taking a meek stance in the face of opposition. However, that’s not what Jesus was saying. Just because he said this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t defend ourselves in the face of injustice.
Why did Jesus say such words? The Old Testament was a time of ‘eye for an eye’. If you hurt someone (even by accident), you would receive retaliation. Jesus was advocating for all of us to raise our level of love; to treat people one level higher- to love our neighbor as yourself, to love our enemy, and to turn away from physical retaliation, to extend forgiveness when others make mistakes.
Does this mean if someone treats us unjustly we should let them just beat us up? No, Jesus took it to this extreme in this example to convey the level of tolerance and patience we should have for one another.
Imagine someone hits you, and you turn the other cheek and you tell them “hit me.” Wouldn’t that be shocking to them? They’d be like “What the heck? What’s wrong with this guy?” This kind of attitude is one that would show the world Christians are beyond physical battles- that their mentality is beyond such primitive acts. It would be an act of defiance and love, like Jesus’ sacrifice.
I realized this during an argument recently. This person was saying things that were incredibly hurtful, but instead of engaging in it I just sat there and listened and tried to understand why this person was so hurt. I asked the Holy Spirit to give me strength and compassion. Each word felt like a slap on the cheek, but I continued listening anyway. In a sense I was “turning the other cheek.” In the end I realized, turning the other cheek in that emotional or spiritual sense really quelled the situation so it wouldn’t escalate but instead be resolved in a harmonious way.
Jesus was the ultimate standard of love. He always spoke in parables, explaining spiritual concepts with physical examples. We mustn’t read all of his words literally.
As someone with a savior complex it is so easy for me to put everything aside to save or help someone. Recently when I was talking to one of my mentors I was explaining to her how much I wanted to forgive someone despite how often they continued hurting me because it felt like that’s what Jesus would do. Jesus forgave all my sins. Shouldn’t I extend that same love to my brothers and sisters- even as they fail to love perfectly or extend that forgiveness back?
Then she said something revolutionary, “Saying ‘What would Jesus do?’ isn’t always the best thing to do. You don’t always have to ask yourself that. You are not Jesus. You are not the savior.”
Then she explained an incredibly freeing and life-changing concept: the ability to save someone without compromising yourself. She said, “You don’t have to continue being in a relationship with someone, or even allow someone to continue to be in your life, in order to “save” them. If you want to save them- save them through prayer and save yourself first.”
It’s exactly what Jesus said in the “love your enemies” paragraph, “Pray for those who persecute you.”
Sometimes you have to love certain people from afar, especially if that person is draining you, hurting you, and causing you to love yourself less. My mentor said, “You have to discern who God wants you to take care of and how he needs you to use your time.” Instead of continuing to engage in relationships with abusive people, it is better to turn your time to yourself and to create relationships with people who are equally committed to loving you and improving themselves. Instead of trying to “save” or change someone who doesn’t want to change or isn’t ready to, entrust that person to God through prayer and take care of yourself first.
Put yourself first; you can’t pour from an empty cup.
I struggled for days feeling empty, betrayed, and unvalidated. Everything that person said about me in that argument felt true and I took it to heart, but just because something feels true doesn’t mean it is. After those days I took a step and tried to look at myself not from their point of view, but from God’s point of view and I came to realize how wrong they were. Only God knows my true heart.
So I urge you to make sure you are validated by Jesus and not anyone else. People are flawed, they will hurt you sometimes, and they can never love you as much as Jesus does.
From then on I began spending time with myself to really get to know who I am without trying to cater, please, or help someone else. All that time I was dedicating to others I started dedicating to myself and my relationship with the Holy Trinity. I went to coffee shops with Jesus, the library, the store, etc. I started feeling better, became more productive, and started discovering more about myself. There is so much I have yet to learn and I look forward to it!
So for that reason I wanted to share a few ideas on how to reinvent yourself with Jesus or to start romanticizing your life so that you can live a joyful life being validated only by Him:
- Read your Bible everyday! (at least a chapter a day, 3 if you’re an intermediate reader, 6 if you’re feeling real ambitious!)
- Wake up early to pray: Personally I wake up at 4 am and listen to a short morning sermon from my church.
- Exercise: Lately, I’ve been doing yoga because I love stretching my body. It’s a great morning warm-up before engaging in more intense exercise like pilates, walking, running, or any strength-building exercises.
- Make your meals: Make intentional time to cook meals and use it as a time to connect with Jesus. It’s important to learn how to cook (tbh, I’m not the best at it but I recognize it’s crucial for me to learn for myself and my future). It’s also important to eat healthy meals and take care of yourself. Once you live together with Jesus you start to realize the value of your body and actually want to live!
- Go to coffee shops: I work from home. Sometimes it can be difficult to get work done from the comfort of my home, so going to a coffee shop really boosts my productivity. If you don’t want to break the bank it can be as frequent as once a week or every two weeks and you don’t always have to buy coffee especially if you frequently visit the shop!
- Read books: Hit up your local library! Start reading like crazy: romance, non-fiction, the classics, idk whatever floats your boat! Gaining knowledge of new things and experiences in the world can be so inspiring!
- Hone down a good morning and nighttime routine: This is so crucial! If you don’t have a good night time routine you might end up doom scrolling on Instagram until 12 am, or find yourself restlessly swimming in your anxious thoughts very late at night! If you go to sleep early, make time to journal, or do the things you like before you go to sleep I promise you your body will wind down willingly. You also have to hone down a good morning routine, and in order to do that you have to sleep early (or at least at a reasonable time). Since my goal is to wake up at 4 am I have to be in bed by 8 pm the latest to fall asleep by 8:30 the latest! Developing a great morning routine that will make you excited to wake up and live another day is also important. You need to do things you like in the morning in order to feel motivated to take on the rest of the day. Sacrifices must be made in order to wake up on the right side of bed, so I challenge you today: NO PHONE AFTER 8 pm.
I hope you all are able to take action on some of these this week! These are by no means easy habits to achieve so don’t be hard on yourself! Let’s keep improving together with Jesus everyday and let’s make it fun!
