How to support your friend through difficult times

Lately, I’ve seen incredible examples of what it means to support a friend through difficult times.

My grandmother is really ill and visiting her at the hospital is not easy; it’s not the greatest environment to be in.

The other day I came home from visiting my grandmother at the hospital. It was a really rough visit because my grandmother slept the whole time and when I tried to wake her or talk to her she just nodded her head and dozed off again. She didn’t say a word to me that day but just moaned. It was like she was there but she wasn’t. I felt so sad seeing my grandmother like that. I wondered if she remembered me.

Then the lady next to my grandmother had Alzheimer’s and sounded terribly confused though she was nice. The nurse was irritated with her and was quite mean and rude, but so was the Alzheimer’s lady. That made me feel sad.

While I was there I witnessed a mother and a little girl in pigtails walk out of a room. The little girl was asking questions though I couldn’t hear them clearly and the mother explained, “Daddy is sick right now so that’s why we’re here,” and that also broke my heart.

I cried all the way home, but when I arrived home I wiped my tears in the car and tried to pretend I hadn’t been crying. But then I met my mom in the kitchen and she started asking how it went and how my gma was doing. That’s when I explained and I didn’t cry, I held it in but then she began crying and walked towards me to hold me.

That’s when I started crying because the very truth was I felt incredibly sad and alone in all of this. It’s very difficult seeing my grandmother in so much pain.

But my mother held me and that was everything. She said, “I know it’s not easy watching your grandma in pain like that. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I always pray God gives you strength.” Just those words and her hug gave me the boost of strength I needed.

Throughout the week an awesome friend stopped me at church and asked me how my grandma and I were doing. I explained to her what was going on and she opened up to me about the time she went through something similar with her grandmother. It made me feel less alone. She also offered her own words of encouragement and advice and I felt the Holy Spirit speaking through her.

Not only that but throughout the week she sent me multiple recordings of her praying for me. It was very moving and something no one has ever really done for me. I am so grateful for that and I pray I never forget she did that for me during this difficult time.

Another friend in New York prayed, “The Lord’s Prayer” from Matthew 6:9 in Spanish, and sent me the recording so I could share it with my grandma. It gave us both so much strength. Not only did it help that she prayed in Spanish but she prayed for both my grandmother and I’s healing. She is so sweet. My grandmother enjoyed the prayer and said she was so happy that I had faithful friends like her.

One of my closest friends frequently lets me come over to her house when I’m in the area. My friend’s house is somewhat close to my grandmother’s hospital so it’s nice to come over. She will make me matcha or lavender tea and listen to me. Just even being in another environment or in a friend’s presence gives me strength. My friend is also very funny so she’s always making jokes which really bring joy to my life. The power of humor huh.

The other day my friend was driving us to the beach and asked me how things were going and allowed me to share my situation and my feelings. She listened attentively as we drove and even frankly admitted, “I don’t understand what you’re going through,” which I appreciated, but it didn’t matter because she tried to understand by listening to me and that meant so much to me. She offered her words of advice and consolation based on her experience. Sometimes it’s nice to have a friend be there for you and with you even if your friend can’t solve your problems.

One of my friends texted me the next day after I shared that my gma was in the hospital and asked how we were doing. It’s the little things.

Most importantly, I’ve seen God work through the people around me or in my life in various ways. I’ve felt God with me.

It could be as simple as my pastora saying she will pray for my grandma. A small wave or smile from church members on Sunday. They may not know that their small acknowledgments surely heal my grieved heart and make me feel seen.

When Satan tries to tell me I’m alone or I’m not loved or floods my mind with worries God is there to protect me and comfort me.

I love God so much for all the ways he takes care of me. He is my favorite.

So today I ask you to please love your brothers and sisters. You have no idea what they could be going through. Be an example of love, but please also take care of yourself as you do so.

Here are some examples of how you can support a friend through a difficult time:

Check-in: call, text, hangout
Offer help even if they don’t ask for it
Show up in unexpected ways
Show care and affection whether through words or physical touch
Give them space to cry
Normalize crying, don’t make them feel weak or shame them
Mourn and grieve with them
Listen to them
Cover them through their difficult times
Help them get back up
Be understanding of their situation
Understand if they cancel plans
Allow them to freely express emotions without judgment
Pray for them
Pray for yourself to have the strength to support them and to be Jesus’ body in their time of need
Offer advice (not unsolicited or forceful though)
Lastly, PLEASE take care of yourself; don’t try to fix your friend or carry their heavy burden. Give to Jesus what you must. Seek support for yourself too.