The Cost of Caring: What Holy Week Taught Me About Boundaries, Burnout, and Love

In today’s blog I’ll give you a life update while also sharing some lessons or things I learned last week. 

Last week was a bit of a tough week…on Thursday my mom had an injury at work. She is a custodian and as she was wringing a mop in the janitor’s closet she hit her head against a wooden plank. It was almost 10 am when she called me- she was still on the floor, sweating and weak. She just woke up and found herself lying on the floor between two stalls. She looked around confused and then remembered hitting her head, going to the restroom, and as she closed her stall door she lost consciousness. She imagined it’d only been a few minutes seeing as no one found her lying on the floor. It was quite odd. My mom has frequent accidents at work. 

That morning I remember I forgot to pray for her- I usually pray for my family- but I was so tired I only thought, “Please God protect her” and went back to sleep. When she called me I immediately remembered that moment and regretted not praying for her that morning. 

I urged my mom to tell her supervisors or coworkers and told her it’d be wise if I picked her up because she shouldn’t drive in that state. She filled out paperwork or filed a report at work for 30 minutes- which is so stupid like can’t she fill it out later, anyways- then we drove to the nearest urgent care. We checked in and went to see the doctor; all in all we spent about an hour there only for them to tell us if she fainted she needed to get a CAT scan done. My mom really wanted to change out of her work clothes so we drove home and changed, packed some food, and headed to the emergency room. We decided to go to Memorial Hermann Southeast so we wouldn’t have to go Downtown (the parking is expensive), which is where I usually took my grandmother when she was ill with cirrhosis before she passed. I felt a little nervous thinking about going there because that place holds so many sad, painful memories for me. I was also worried because when I would go to the emergency room with my grandmother it would take a long time to get some help or for my grandmother to be admitted. However, the emergency room this time was surprisingly quite empty, with just a few families there. My mother said maybe it’s because no one wanted to get sick in holy week haha. I was thankful too that my sister asked if she could leave work to go support my mom. Her presence made me feel less alone. It made things more fun too because we made jokes and she scrolled through reels and tiktoks, making me laugh. 

Going to the hospital with my family makes me nervous sometimes because it means I have to be strong, I have to translate, I have to advocate for them. Fortunately though, there were many translators or staff who spoke Spanish at the hospital this time around and even those who only spoke English were incredibly kind. Some of the staff even said, “God bless you,” to the families and to my mom and I. I felt moved by their kindness which I recognized was the Lord’s. He was surely there with us and proving I had nothing to worry about.  

We were able to go home in a few hours, then I did a run to the grocery store. When I got home I ran to plan a podcast with my friend, Kiera and I think that was everything I did that day. 

The next day was Good Friday and I had planned to go to the spa with my friends and I really needed it. My mom was thankfully taken care of by her partner so I was able to go out worry free. I had a fun day with my friends and I reflected on the Lord’s word and love to me the previous day. When I arrived home my aunt and cousin were there. My cousin is like 8 years old and she’s still at that age where she loves to play. She really loves me and I truly adore her. She’s like my little sister. That night, like most times my cousin comes over, I was so exhausted but I made time to play with her because I can’t bear to disappoint her and also because I genuinely care for her. I want to protect her and help her grow into a beautiful person. I want to be a good influence in her life, teach her about Jesus’ love, and help her feel she is never alone. I did not go to sleep until 1 am that night.

Saturday was a bit more difficult. I was so exhausted from the night before but I woke up at 8:30 am to listen to a sermon given by an amazing pastor at 9 am. He spoke about Jesus and Peter’s relationship in depth and his words shocked me. Peter was perhaps Jesus’ most loved disciple, he entrusted the keys to the Kingdom to him, and Peter was a great disciple who evangelized even 3000 people in one day. Yet, the truth is he denied Jesus three times. Many of the disciples failed to even pray with Jesus at the Garden of Gethsemane and even after he was crucified the disciples lost hope and scattered- going back to their old life. Peter went back to the only thing he knew to do other than being a disciple and preaching God’s word- fishing. He went to fish with 7 other disciples; they caught nothing. 

You know what- let’s just read it. Go to John 21: 3-18. 

“I’m going out to fish,” Simon Peter told them, and they said, “We’ll go with you.” So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing. Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus. He called out to them, “Friends, haven’t you any fish?” “No,” they answered. He said, “Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish. Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, “It is the Lord,” he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. The other disciples followed in the boat, towing the net full of fish, for they were not far from shore, about a hundred yards. When they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread. Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish you have just caught.” So Simon Peter climbed back into the boat and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many the net was not torn. Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” None of the disciples dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. Jesus came, took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish. This was now the third time Jesus appeared to his disciples after he was raised from the dead. When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.” Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.” The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.”

I bolded the latter because the pastor shared that the disciples and Jesus’ followers deserted Jesus after he was taken and crucified. I mean Peter even denied knowing Jesus. They were weak, they hid, they denied knowing him. The pastor explained, “Can you imagine how awkward this first meeting with Jesus and the disciples was after he was crucified- after they deserted him, denied him?” I never thought about it that way. It makes sense- do you think Jesus did not feel that betrayal, or at least saddened by their current state. They were weak and in mourning- when they should’ve known what Jesus promised to them. They should have known he wouldn’t leave them- that he would return and he’d be with them always. 

Yet, despite the betrayal and abandonment, what did Jesus do? He gave up his life as a ransom for many, as a living sacrifice. He comes to Peter and he asks him, “Do you love me?” and he asks again and again. Peter is almost offended at the question. “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” 

What does Jesus ask? “Feed my sheep.” He asks Peter to preach the gospel, to save lives, to evangelize. 

I was sobbing through this sermon because I came to understand Jesus’ heart even more. The reality of his sacrifice, how difficult the path of suffering was for him- and he did it for us. For me. The righteous suffered for the unrighteous. 

Everyday, people continue to deny Jesus and his existence, and the truth of his Word. They deny him and fail to recognize him as he works in this time period, in our own generation. 

I definitely think a revival is happening in America right now- a few years ago I did not feel it was as easy to talk about Christ but now it seems everyone is more open to Jesus and open about their faith in him. 

But this nation is still so divided by different ideologies, doctrines, beliefs, and perceptions. It is sad how hateful, intolerant, and separated we’ve become. 

Only Jesus can bring us together- only his truth, only his word. Because if Jesus’ sacrifice taught us one thing it’s that only sacrificial love has the power to defeat evil. 

Jesus’s crucifixion and his resurrection reminded me what true love and forgiveness is. It means knowing what is wrong and right, choosing to love the sinner and not the sin. It means correcting with kindness but also with fierce love and passion too. But when evil comes against you strongly, you can defeat evil only with love. 

“If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat;

if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.

In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head,

and the Lord will reward you.” (Proverbs 25:21)

Forgiving someone who has hurt you is hard but the Bible calls us to forgive just as Jesus forgave us. He forgave us of our sin even when we did not deserve it. Resurrection day always reminds us of that. 

The day after going to the spa something went terribly wrong and it was like the cherry on top of the cake for me. I tried to attend a picnic with friends because I really wanted to show up for them and have a fun time, but I couldn’t find parking (Houston, amirite) so I went home. I arrived home and wept. I wept for an hour. That situation made me feel frustrated although it was nobody’s fault except maybe my own. 

I started to complain in my heart because I had spent all week showing up for others so much that I failed to show up for myself. Thoughts like, “Why am I always the one sacrificing?” and “No one sees your effort or appreciates you.” and “Nobody truly loves you or cares about you,” started to surface in my heart. I started to spiral. I knew it was Satan attacking my heart and thoughts but the feelings felt so true I couldn’t get the thoughts out of my head. 

So I just cried it out and reflected on why I was feeling this way. A wonderful friend was there for me and she offered some wonderful advice. It was after talking to her that I realized when you fail to take care of yourself it’s very hard to keep going and pour unto others- try as you might. This is why it is so so important to take care of yourself every day and every week. 

It’s ok to say no. It’s ok to set boundaries. It’s ok to not always show up for others and to instead show up for yourself. 

Sometimes we think the christ-like act is to sacrifice your own well-being for others and while that may be true at times- it’s not sustainable to give so much of yourself in the long run. 

I am learning these difficult lessons now that I’m 24. My frontal lobe must be developing or something, haha. I’ve learned many lessons within the last year and a half which I hope to share in a future blog. 

I talked to my mom and I truly felt the Holy Spirit working upon her and speaking these words to me. It’s a lesson that has been difficult for me to learn- as my mom and I have had this conversation often and she has offered the same advice to me time and time again. But this is the first time I truly understood it. She said I need to let people take care of themselves and each other, and also that I need to stop giving with expectations. Because people are people- we are all self-consumed most times by our own lives. So people will disappoint you but God never will. So we must center only on God. 

I love giving to others- whether that be gifts, love, or my quality time. I love to be there for others, although it is very hard to juggle because my life is so busy. I love supporting others. I love helping others. I love helping others when they are going through a tough time. I love weeping with others. I gravitate towards people who are suffering or sad sometimes. I will go out of my way for others. I’ve always loved giving gifts to people and helping others- I even got an award in elementary school to prove it. 

These are great traits to have but when I think about the why- well I always thought it was because I love people, or I’m empathetic or I love Jesus. I think that’s a huge part of it but deep down there is another reason- and that is I am giving because I want to receive. That’s hard to admit. 

Deep down I want to have friends, I want to be loved, I want validation. I mean who doesn’t right? It’s not a crime or a sin to want that. In fact it’s probably a God given desire. But just as it is a God given desire- it’s a need only God can fulfill, meaning only God can truly fill that void. Of course he can and will use people to validate us, to help us feel his love, to be our friends, and to be our companions who help us throughout our lives. Godly friendships, families, and spouses are some of the most beautiful gifts from the Lord. 

But at the end of the day- it is He who works upon those people. It is His Spirit that comes and comforts us, allows love to dwell in us, and is the sustainer of all things. When we love the created things over the creator, or when our love for them blinds his love for us, well our priorities are out of order and love is in the wrong place. If we can even call it love at that point. 

Having appropriate relationships, or perhaps perceiving people correctly, and maintaining proper boundaries with people has always been a struggle of mine which I recognize stems from childhood trauma. 

So I urge everyone to check yourself. Reflect a lot on yourself, be self-aware. Think about why you feel the way you do when you crash out, correct your behavior, and do better next time for yourself and for others. Then everything will be ok and your quality of life will improve. 

Then Sunday came around. I was still feeling resentful and hurt in my heart thinking of all the times I’ve given so much of myself to others only to not have that love returned. I am at a point in my life where I feel quite alone, but that loneliness has led me to have more time to do the Lord’s work, to lean and rely on him more. Also, to fix my character and develop my abilities and skills. 

Perhaps the Lord is isolating me so he can do something new in me. Perhaps I’m not meant to be in the circles I wish I was in. Or perhaps I’m not ready to be in them. Perhaps I never will be because there is something better awaiting me. I don’t know. 

What I do know is I’m growing a lot. I’m doing things I’ve never done. My sense of self-worth is growing- I’m learning what I will and will not tolerate, and I’m learning to love like Jesus even if it’s hard for he said, “Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34)

On Resurrection Day, through the Sunday service at my church I realized something. Life is not about me. There is something so much bigger- bigger than all of my issues and problems- that needs my attention at this time. Satan will always try to distract me by causing disharmony in my relationships, mistreating me (and he’ll definitely use people to it), and he’ll try to steal my time. 

So we must make our heart and thoughts strong- then and only then can Jesus truly live in us. His peace, his wisdom, his forgiveness, his love will triumph in our lives. Then our faith will be unshaken, our work in the Lord will be abundant, and our hope will be strong. 

Just as when Jesus said, “It is finished,” when we’ve squeezed every last drop of love, sacrifice, and effort- only then will our hope truly be finally fulfilled. So until then I will just keep running my race with urgency until my love is a perfume- a fragrance fully poured out at Jesus’ feet. 

Thank you for reading. I hope you gain something from this. 

Until next time, brothers and sisters, 

Kat <3,