katThis week I faced a setback.
I applied to a writing program and I thought I got in, but turns out they didn’t have open positions for the track I was interested in (which I wish had been made clear before I applied but I digress). I must admit I was disappointed. I shut down my laptop and planted my forehead on my white desk, fighting the urge to cry. I wasn’t able to stop the hot tears pouring down my cheeks and they kept pouring for an hour, not so much because I was upset or hurt but because it felt like another closed door. Another rejection, in the sea of “no’s” I’ve heard many times throughout my life. All I wish for is for someone to give me a chance. What kind of chance you might ask?
A chance to tell my story, for someone to see the value in my stories as I see. It sounds kind of insane to me. Why should any human being have to ask for the chance to tell their story-stories should be free to be told, unbound by the chains of permission. However, stories are meant to be heard. After all, we’re humans with a need for social connection and understanding. For a lot of the afternoon and evening, I’ve pondered why it matters to me that I’m given a chance?
I guess I just want a fair chance for my stories to be heard by many, not so that I can be glorified or get some kind of human approval-but because I yearn for my Heavenly Father’s approval and I long to tell others how he works in my life. I yearn to help many come to the faith. It’s out of gratitude in my heart and a desire to see God work in other people’s life as he worked on me. I yearn for msa life to be devoted to Christ; for every part of my being to testify for him so that long after I’m gone my work here on earth makes an impact that leads many lives to Heaven.
That might sound false to some of you but until Jesus changes your life like he changed mine you can’t understand it.
One time a person of faith, and a writer too, told me, “You have to face this truth: No one cares about you or your story,” ouch. To be frank, what that person said to me did not hurt me because it’s something I’ve heard many times before, but it was shocking for that to come from a person of faith and a fellow writer. I understood she was trying to defeat any self-centered, naive thoughts.
It’s a harsh reality- no one really reads a book because they are genuinely interested in you, rather they read it because of what you can offer them and what they can gain. This is what she did not say. If you give people a reason to get to know you or show up for you they’ll do it. It just has to resonate with them. No one buys anything because YOU are selling it, unless you’ve built a certain credibility or shown you have something worth buying.
Today, the day after receiving my rejection-or rather I should call it redirection-I was blessed to attend a luncheon featuring guest speaker Brene Brown. As many of you may know she is a professor, social worker, motivational speaker and has accomplished many things in her life. She has a huge following. She spent two decades studying vulnerability, courage, shame, and empathy. When I was in high school I considered becoming a social worker so I was a big fan of her work.
At the luncheon she gave a speech to a group called, ‘The Council on Recovery’ a non-profit organization which helps individuals who may be struggling with alcohol, drug abuse, or other mental health issues-regardless of whether they have the funds to pay for it or not-which is admirable.
Mind you, I just showed up to this speaking event without knowing what the organization was about or what Brene would be sharing (haha). She shared the story of how she overcame alcoholism and she’s been sober for 28 years. She spoke about the importance of spiritual fitness-even mentioning how difficult it is to talk about spiritual fitness nowadays- it’s not socially acceptable to speak about spirituality or God; but to my surprise the event even began with a prayer and many speakers at the event acknowledged and expressed gratitude to God.
One of the key takeaways was that the key to overcoming addiction is connection and community, which I agree with. I think the key to coming closer to God is also connection and community.
Connection and community leads to love- and deep down that’s all we’re missing. So many of us try to fill that God-sized void in our hearts with the physical things of this world, but try as we might, they never truly satisfy. It’s all temporary, but God’s love is a promise that is eternal.
Jesus once said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
It says in John 6:35 Jesus once declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.”
Was Jesus talking about satisfying our physical needs? Was he encouraging us to be cannibals? No, he was talking about satisfying our spiritual needs through life giving words. If we listen to him our spirits will be filled; we’ll no longer be hungry for food that doesn’t satisfy, or thirsty for the things of this world that leave us unfulfilled.
Anything can be an addiction so although I don’t drink I could relate to her points; human beings can be addicted or borderline addicted to many things- social media, food, people, shows, animals, clothes, you name it. It’s kind of in our nature-but we were never meant to be addicted to temporary things because you will never get enough. We were meant to be addicted to God- to be so enamored with Him we never leave his side.
Now I know I’m starting to sound a little preachy here but anyway-I learned a lot through Brene’s speech today. Stories matter. Stories have the power to move someone to recovery.
Alcoholism is something that hits close to home. It’s part of the reason why when I was 9 years old my mom, sister, and I moved to Houston. One day my mom took us out of school early and told us we were leaving the home I grew up- leaving behind my grandmother. We packed our stuffed animals and clothes in trash bags and then we were gone. You see, maybe a week or so beforehand my struggling, drug addicted, alcoholic uncle who swore he’d sober up once he came to America, came home one night drunk out of his mind. Although he didn’t hurt us that night my mom made a bold decision, one I’m grateful for because who knows what could’ve happened had we stayed. My grandma refused to ask her son to leave; so it was us or him. My mom chose our safety.
So I’ve seen how alcoholism can separate and ruin families. My grandpa, my dad and uncle’s father passed away due to cirrhosis of the liver- a direct cause of alcoholism. He was an abusive man who’d beat my grandmother. My alcoholic uncle also passed away months before my grandmother did- he also beat my grandmother. Then my grandmother also passed away due to cirrhosis- my grandmother would emotionally beat herself- after such abuse she suffered from low self esteem. After such a long streak of cirrhosis in my family I refuse to drink. Studies show even a bit of alcohol can be harmful for the body, so how much more the spirit. I can’t help but think how different things would’ve turned out if they just received the help they needed.
I didn’t expect for such deep realizations or memories to rise within my heart, but as I sat there in the hall I could feel the emotions of the audience (I even saw some teary eyed faces). I saw so much past and current pain, but also so much love. I could feel God’s heart and adoration for humankind.
Brene said that right now human beings are not ok- we are going through some tough shizzle. This week I’ve read many stories of people who have been through difficult things, some even to the point of wanting to end their lives. We’re in a really tough time in history.
We’re what Brene called “generation T”, the generation of transition. I agree that there is a big transition happening in this time period. How I wish we’d all wake up and transition to a higher place.
I think the key to that is opening up, sharing the stories we’re all too afraid to share, being vulnerable as Brene would call it. Because when we bare ourselves in full honesty we take one step closer to truth- and the truth is God. He guides us to him when we stop hiding in shame and guilt. It just takes one brave person to dare share their story.
So even though this week things did not go the way I wanted or expected, I will trust God. I asked him to redirect me or block what is not for me. Maybe there’s a more ideal path he wants me to go on; or something he needs me to learn through the process, as arduous as it may be.
So if no one cares about my story that is ok. Because I know he cares and that is more than enough. He’s the only one whose opinion truly matters anyway.
Jesus too was denied and rejected. The people of the Old Testament, such as the Jewish religious leaders, expected God himself to come. Instead, who came? A man named Jesus, on whom the spirit of God was upon. They failed to recognize the Father in him, so they rejected Jesus.
God fulfilled the promise he prophesied in the Old Testament in an unexpected way. Because God did not come as the people of the Old Testament expected, because he came through a man, they rejected the blessing of receiving the messiah.
So what if God fulfills his promise for us in ways we don’t expect? Will we reject it?
Let’s be open to God’s will, whatever that may be. May he open our eyes to see the vision of his desire for us, even if it may not be as we expect.
